"Did you ever actually play tennis?"
"No, badminton, yes. Back at Parsee Gymkhana in Bombay."
"Then why do you watch Wimbledon so obsessively?"
"I like watching tennis!"
"Doesn't make sense. You never played it."
"Have you ever slept with a man, realised you are pregnant with his brother's child, plotted with his mother to kill him, killed the father of your child instead, run away to Acapulco, become a drug dealer's mistress, found out he's the grandfather of your child, hatched an escape plot in concert with his henchman, fled to LA and realised the man you thought you killed is now the Mayor of San Bernardino?"
"What! No, of course not!"
"And yet you religiously watch that ridiculous Colombian TV series."
"Which...should be on right now. Change the channel."
"Por favor, querida."*
"Usted sabe que yo voy a hacer que valga la pena***, Percy."
"I don't even know what that means!"
"Change the channel!"
"Fine, but you're paying for lunch! And we're going to the Tibet Kitchen!"
"Te no va a recordar la cena cuando he terminado con usted."****
"I still don't understand..."
"Look at me. You'll understand. The rewards for forbearance can be great."
"Oh dear lord! You're bewitching, you know that?"
"Ooh then take a photo on my phone! Instagram! For all my followers!"
"There's something wrong with your thought process there, but I'm not complaining."
"Shh! I'm watching TV now."
"Hey, why is Talia having coffee with Romero? Didn't she tell Alexis that she hates coffee?"
"Oh Percy, get with the program! She was lying to Alexis to push him into going out with her sister Prunella!"
"I should make you watch Kumkum Bhagya."
"Stop mumbling and watch!"
**Look at me
***You know I'll make it worth(while)
****You won't remember dinner when I'm done with you